Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
