i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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