I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
