It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
