Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
