The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
