so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
