I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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