Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
