my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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