You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Only a mothe r could love this liver
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Is Oprah even human
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
