I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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