If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
please come you make the beer taste better
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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