i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
