I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
