I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
