Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wish you could order shots online.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The struggles of a small town man whore
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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