Will you blow on my dice?
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
