You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
