On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
