Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
