having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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