I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
