So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
