Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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