Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just want nice things and good sex
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
