TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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