its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
