oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
