Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
