I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She's the barista slut.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Randomize
