Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
