and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
