Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
