life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Someone signed my nipple.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
