hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
