Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
