How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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