i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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