She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
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