me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
