Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
