the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
