hell yes lets make some ravioli
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
