I didn't shave. On purpose
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
