Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
