yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
