i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
