They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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