OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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